The work of Dr. Stacy Friedman focuses on all aspects of intimacy, sexuality, sexual health and sexual function for individuals and couples of all genders and sexual orientations. Some of her specialties is working with women who have concerns with low libido, painful sex, lack of sexual confidence, going through menopause or have sexual dysfunction, working with the LGBTQ community and helping couples with mismatched sex drives re-ignite their intimacy.
Ever since you’ve initiated aiding women with these kind of problems, have you been noticing any change of behavior and mentalities among society?
Unfortunately, it is a very slow change when it comes to sexuality as there are so many things in society with politics, religion and shaming women for being sexual that it is a huge mountain to climb. What I love about what I do is that I am able to be face to face with these women and help empower them one by one and make a difference. I think that the idea of having more women feeling strong and confident about who they are sexually, getting out there and showing others, it is slowly making a change for the better. We need to continue the fight to allow women to feel comfortable to ask for what they want without worrying what others think or say and appreciate our rights and honor ourselves as sexual beings.
What motivates you on working and studying about these subjects, knowing more and best, so you can help people on making their sexual life better and more positive?
What motivates me is the fact that it is the right thing to do and that we were all born as sexual beings. It is due to societal pressures and confines that is placed on us from the outside world. I know that relationships with others and even with ourselves can be so much more positive by allowing us to be open to the enjoyment and connection that intimacy and sex can bring. We would have a happier society and less divorce when people stop judging others for what makes them happy. I have seen firsthand the sadness, guilt and shame that so many face due to their upbringings, backgrounds, cultures and religion when it comes to the subject of sex that I don’t feel it fair so many are missing out on such a connection with others.
In your opinion, how should, both men and women, face their sexual issues, accepting them and look for help?
I think people need to be proactive when it comes to issues in their relationships and not wait for things to get close to divorce to get help. It is like running a car to the ground and letting it burn from lack of oil changes and check ups which makes sure it stays running properly. Those check ups, oil changes, filling the fluids and putting air in the tires keeps the car running. It is the same with relationships, in order to keep them running right you need to do the check ups or check ins and do the work needed to keep it running. You need to always find ways to communicate, work on things as they come up and not let them sit in the background thinking the issues will go away as they will just keep piling on top of each other until there are so many layers to go through to get to the root of the problem. Sometimes by then it is too late to rebuild. It is better to find professional support with a coach like me or another professional sooner than later so you can nip problems in the bud before they get too deep. Many people are afraid to admit they are having problems so they don’t seek the support but then they get too deep to get out.
You also work with LGBTQ issues, with focus on the transgender communities. What can you share with us about what you’ve been developing for that community?
Basically, I am keeping a safe place available to discuss their concerns, struggles, and support them in their journey by helping them reach their personal goals. I find it important to stay connected with others in the field or similar field to be able to find better ways for the community to stay safe, to find resources and get the support they need.
What do you think is still important to be spoken about, relating to LGBTQ issues?
Education in general is very important to discuss on an ongoing basis. Even if others can’t understand the idea of being with someone of the same gender, feeling like a specific gender or all the different ins and out of the LGBTQ community, it is important for them to support and appreciate others differences. With education, they can at least have facts to help them see things from another perspective. We need to continue educating society until all members of the LGBTQ community feel safe and can be who they are without ridicule from others and not feel like they have to “come out” and stay in hiding.
You’ve released, back in April 2018, the book, “Confessions & Lessons of a Sexpert: The Ultimate Guide to Intimacy and Better Sex” — what’s the importance you give to this book and in what way can it be (or already is) an important tool for sex for a better understanding of intimacy, and so on?
I wrote this book in hopes to give others the basics of intimacy and better sex. So many people don’t know where to start in building or rebuilding the intimacy and connection with their partners or even how to have self love and feel confident in their own bodies. So many people don’t feel comfortable with their bodies or even how their bodies work as well as using toys or using words to express their needs. This book has been helpful for those people in my practice who struggle with those same concerns. It also shows ways to focus on intimacy and connection, to be able to enjoy the journey and not just focusing on the destination. Too many people spend their time trying to just have the orgasm or the in and out of penis-vagina sex when they miss out on the foreplay, the build up and the importance of the connection. The book is an easy read but full of great information that you will go back to in order to find ways to improve your intimacy and learn to enjoy better sex!
What do you think is still yet to be spoken about to break some walls and taboos?
I think sex in general as well as the LGBTQ community. Also, the fact that women can and should be allowed to ask for sex and for what they need is an important subject to keep discussing. We need to get rid of the double standard of women want to be sexual outside of a committed relationship where it is slut shaming and for men it is ok. Everyone should be able to be sexual and not feel shamed or feel any guilt for being who they are.I thought things were getting better in society but we are still so far away from truly embracing sex in general.
You’ve been working, since 2005 with Stacy’s Tantric Toys. What can you tell us about this work?
Toys, lubes and other adult novelty products are a very important part of sexuality and can bring a lot of fun and variety to a persons relationship whether they are with themselves or with a partner. 75-80% of women are not able to orgasm through intercourse so having the online toy shop has been very helpful in working with women to give them the right products that they may need to support enjoyment and the ability to have orgasms. It is also a way for couples to have the tools for fantasy, role play and just spicing things up in their bedrooms. It is so important to always have fun with intimacy and sex so it keeps you connected to yourself as well as a partner.
In what way is it important for a better educated sexual society?
There are so many relationships and connections that are broken due to the inability to talk about sex or being open to trying new things because of shame or guilt. Being better educated as to what sex and intimacy involves and talking about the pleasure aspect of it, not just talking about diseases and pregnancy, people will not feel so unsure of what to do and how to do it. We need to understand that it isn’t a one for all answer when it comes to sex and it is very involved. To be more educated would allow the work to be more open and understanding of others differences, needs and desires around intimacy and sex.
What have you been learning within these past 18 years of work? The importance of having a safe space and place to communicate with your partner. To not feel judgement or fear to share what you like or don’t like. Desire and your libido will ebb and flow, will be different for everyone so it is about learning each persons needs as individuals and not comparing to others. Be open minded and it will lead to an open heart, to have a place for you and your partner to grow. Learning about yourself is the most important thing and loving yourself, being true to who you are, will bring you to a place of comfort and confidence. If anyone needs help or support, they can find me at drstacyfriedman.com, thank you!
Thanks for your time, and all the best wishes for your work.
Project Let’s Talk About Sexuality
Interview: Pedro Marques
Translation and Correction and: Mariana Dias
15 June 2022
Project “Let’s talk about Sexuality”
This project aims at giving different people who are specialised in different areas related to the sexuality subject, to be given a voice and be promoted in what they do. Alongside this, this project intends to clear any questions related to the subject for all of you who follow this blog.
This effort to bring the subject of sexuality closer to you requires time and dedication devoted to studying and researching the incredibly diverse fields of sexuality. This is what I dedicate my time on so that, hopefully, we can all learn more and contribute to develop the sexuality subject.
I would therefore like to ask for your contribution towards this effort. If you would like to help and contribute to this project, please follow the link below:
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