You live in a sexually progressive culture. What does it mean? In your point of view, what does it takes for society to sexually progress?
Sexuality is an important part of being human, but for centuries it’s been shunned as dirty, bad and wrong. People with sexual desires that don’t conform to a very rigid and controlling framework have been seen as evil. It’s been seen as something you tolerate for the sake of procreation.
The sexual revolution brings a revised idea of sexuality. That it’s healthy, it helps people bond, it feels good, and is actually good for you. Sexually progressive culture is a place where these new ideas about sexuality are being embraced. I think that it’s inevitable that society is moving in this direction, and it’s just a matter of time.
You have cabaret and costume parties at Kinky Salon, which is something that is lived and looked at as something normal and natural. How did this “natural feeling” arise and how to you think it’s possible to pass on all this common feeling to others in society?
Dressing up is a great way to get outside your normal consciousness. You step out of yourself and discard the daily uniform of “street clothes” and enter into a fantasy. Because you’re experience is shifted, it takes away some of the every day pressures that make us conform. It feels very freeing to present yourself in a new way, and by removing your default self your true self can be revealed. It’s kind of paradoxical.
During an interview(1) you’ve recommended books such as “The Ethical Slut”(2) and Barbara Carrellas’ “Tantra Urban”, Sacred Sex for the XXI century. On the radio you have “Sexploration with Monika” and “Women’s Sex Talk Radio” shows. In what way did these books and radio shows contributed for your own sexual knowledge, tantric sex (that in my opinion is an enormous complement to sexuality and the search for self-body knowledge). What have you learnt?
The Ethical Slut is a bible for anyone who wants to explore open relationships and sexuality. It gives some really great advice and even suggests some scripts for when you’re trying out new things. I reccommend that book for anyone starting down the path of opening up their relationship or wanting to explore a more sexually open lifestyle. Barbara Carrellas does a great job of seperating out the “spiritual” language from tantra and making it really accessble.
I have learned so much about my sexuality, and books help, but really it’s more about my relationship to myself, my body and my spirit. Nobody can teach you that from a book, it’s something you have to go out and experience for yourself.
You’re a daughter of a sexual therapist. Did that help you become what you are nowadays?
Definitely. My mother was very open with me about sexuality when I was young and I wasn’t raised with shame around sex which gave me a different perspective from my peers. She has always been very supportive of my work, and having a supportive family is a huge boon for anyone trying to make change in the world. I’m very grateful for my mother and her wisdom and understanding.
You state, in your personal information, that you’ve lived sexual revolution. How did you experience it?
The sexual revolution isn’t something that happened in the ’60s. It continues to this day with communities, artists and radical thinkers pushing the way forward for a more open minded, accepting attitudes around sexuality. My personal experience of this revolution has shown me that becoming more sexually open is a great way to learn about yourself, if you’re willing to delve into some fearless self reflection. Rather than making assumptions about your relationships you can talk about them. Rather than blaming other people for your feelings, you can take responsibility for your emotions. It’s very liberating, and your new communication skills and understanding about yourself can overflow into other parts of your life too, bringing benefits to everything you do.
You’ve referred during an interview that only up until now society has changed their opinion, often negative, about sexuality in general, such as non-monogamy sex, religious, polylove relationship… How do you think this has helped society to improve?
I think that society is changing as it grows and evolves. I wouldn’t call it an improvment, just the next step on the path. We are reaching a point in the evolution of culture where we no longer need the rigid structures of top down heirarchy. It’s happening everywhere from the way we organize businesses, to the way we contemplate our own existence.
What’s your opinion about poly love and in what way is it meant to be lived and experienced?
I don’t think there is any difference between poly love and traditional love. Polyamory is more honest about the fact that falling in love doesn’t stop you being attracted to other people. Traditional relationships fear that attraction, and polyamory embraces it.
You’ve also mentioned in an interview that society is now bombarded with images that would be considered as soft-porn 30 years ago. Sex has become a money source, what’s been selling was once a taboo matter, all the feminine body show off that put out young women, yet to be grown up, as sexual objects, making them all vulnerable to society’s eyes… In what way do you think this is a prejudice to women overall, now that women have been doing a lot of effort to stop being seen as sexual object? What do you think it has to be done so that women can fully experience their sexuality in a free, non-harming way?
That’s a really big question. The sexual objectification of women is a huge cultural shadow which needs to be addressed. There are so many prejudices that people make about sexual women, and then so many they make about women that don’t fit into the cultural model of what sexual women are supposed to look like. We need to continue working to balance out the gender disparities in our culture. We need to tear apart the gender binary story where women are sex objects for men to consume. We can do that with art, with writing, teaching, writing songs and poetry, youtube videos and blogs. This is how humans communicate new ideas. It’s happening already.
More and more women are taking part on their sexual evolution, but there’s still a long way to be walked on. How can there be more self-knowledge about this and so that society can understand that women have a more active role in sexuality nowadays and in what way can men understand they can also help with it?
Men’s role in sex culture is as important as women’s. It’s not just about creating space for women to heal. Men have had a raw deal too. As a cultural concept, men have been stripped of their ability to experience emotions, and they’ve been fed the toxic idea that women owe them sex since they were teenagers. We’re all on this rollercoaster together, and men healing their relationship to sexuality is equally important. Every single person, whether they conform to a traditional gender identity or not, can take this opportunity to explore this realm and bring culture into a healthier alignment. There is nobody exempt on this planet from the job of creating culture. We do it together, whether that’s by reading a book, taking a workshop, making a piece of art, being an activist, or just living a quiet traditional life. We are all part of the massively complex entity called culture, and we are all responsible for it.
How does fear and religion repercussions delay the progress in sexuality?
Religion and fear play a big role in the demonization of sexuality. Who knows what complex configuration of events occurred in human history to make this happen. It’s been a huge soup of humans for such a long time and these ideas developed such a long time ago. These days, people have more choices about their morality and their spirituality, it’s not set in stone as it used to be. I don’t think that there is any delay, it’s all happening right on schedule.
What’s your goal and the importance of you being a sexal revolutionary?
My goal is to create communities that allow people to have a direct experience of liberation. Sexuality is part of it, but it’s also about love, art and consciousness too. Sexuality is a great place to start.
Thank you for your time!
Project For The Pleasure Genesis
Interview: Pedro Marques
Translation and Correction: Mariana Dias
(2) Dossie Easton e Janet Hardy