During the sleep, there are women who have orgasms – and eventually wake up having them. Is there any explanation to it?
A woman’s body is naturally orgasmic, yet I regularly meet women who repress or strongly contain their desire. In sleep, the inhibitions these woman would normally feel can fall away. In this place of openness it is easier for their bodies to tune into desire and experience pleasurable sensation. Orgasm during sleep becomes a place to release pent up sexual energy. Conversely, women who actively cultivate their orgasm may find that they have such a surplus of energy that it comes out in their dreams and sleep. Either way, I say “enjoy it!”
Do you think the majority of women actually reach the orgasms during sexual intercourse?
I believe that a woman can enter an orgasmic state through many activities – the best of which I know is Orgasmic Mediation (OM). OM cultivates a woman’s orgasm and helps her to build sexual sensation in her body. While some woman can climax through sexual intercourse, it is less common for them to experience it there compared to activity that includes direct stimulation of the clitoris. In Orgasmic Meditation the clitoris is deliberately stroked with the index finger – the most dexterous part of the human body. Through precise and refined attention, climax can be more easily reached. Truthfully, climax isn’t the goal of OM though. Instead, we encourage people to enjoy the full breadth of the orgasmic ride.
Do you think that there are more women who masturbate, nowadays?
I can’t say that more women masturbate now than in the past. But I do know that many women are deeply dissatisfied with their sexual experiences. In my work, I find countless women who are seeking ways to nourish themselves sexually. Many of them have tried all the conventional routes – masturbation, vibrators, intercourse – and still find themselves hungry for something deeper. I believe that due to our limbic nature, partnered touch, like we teach in OM, is the most satisfying way to feed this hunger.
What’s your opinion about genital mutilation?
It want for all women to have access to sexual nourishment and I would love to see a world in which every one was fully cared for that way.
When did you know that your professional path had to go through sexuality and its teaching?
At first, I couldn’t have imagined that my path would take me into the realm of sexuality. I began as a Professor of gender communications. I was interested in how men and women related through language, but sex wasn’t my focus. Then, one day, I did a survey of the class asking what the students were most interested in and what i heard over and over again in their responses was something of the nature of “tell me what’s wrong with my sex”. Everyone seemed to be looking for answers there. I was inspired to start studying more deeply and bring some sanity to a world that’s so confused about sex. That was the beginning of my path.
How have the public been reacting to your lectures and after they read your texts?
Women and men alike are so hungry for these teaching. Since “Slow Sex” was published last year we’ve had press all over the world – from Italy to Australia. Of course, there are some people who are confronted by such an honest and upfront discussion of sex and relating. These things stir up some of our deepest shame and uncertainty. It’s natural. Yet over and over again, I hear from people who are relieved to have a new perspective and an uninhibited approval of their sex and desire.
All the wrong information that has been passed out by pornographic movies is considered, to you, as an Achilles heel?
Pornography most often teaches people that harder and faster are better. While it can be pleasurable in doses, only going hard and fast in sex is a surefire way to desensitize your genitals. In OM we encourage people to stroke with the lightest touch in order to experience the full range of sensations – from subtle to intense. I say, slow down, get to know yourself and your partner, then build from there.
Are you asked, by many, how to reach the G Spot?
Many women and men are curious about the gspot. When they begin sexual exploration they lack information about the anatomy of the clitoris and so misunderstand how the two are connected. From the glans of the clitoris (located where the inner labia meet), the clitoris forks back and descends down the vaginal walls. It is on the lower vaginal wall that the gspot is located – so when someone is pressing on the gspot they are essentially pressing on the forked nerves of the clitoris.
In Portugal, parents used to tell their children – when asked about “where do babies come from” – that a stork would bring them in its beek when asked. Did this used to happen in America or you have another “tale” so parents don’t need to tell their childrent the truth?
We have similar folk tales in America, though basic sexual education is much more widespread these days. Getting essential information to young people about sex is one of the healthiest things we can do!
What are the biggest gaps around sexuality, nowadays?
It seems to me that as western women we’ve achieved equality with men in many arenas. Yet we aren’t fulfilled. In my office, I hear many women chant what I’ve come to call “the western woman’s mantra”. It goes something like this “I eat too much, I drink too much, I shop too much, I work too much…”. Despite achieving gains in society, women aren’t satisfied and so look for ways to fill gap. Most of them don’t realize that the gap is there because of a lack of nourishing orgasm. While they may have robust sex lives, they aren’t having the kind of sex that deeply satisfies – the kind of sex made for a woman’s body. They have a build up of unpotentiated sexual energy in the body which is experienced as stress. Despite all efforts to alleviate it, it doesn’t go away until they confront it directly. This is where OM comes in.
What are the best ways that you consider to reach a better a longest orgasm?
To experience deep and rich orgasmic sensation, I recommend that people start by slowing down. Learn to feel the diversity of sensation in your body. Experiment with different forms of touch. In our classes and coaching at OneTaste, we encourage people to go no faster than they can stay present for. Once you get these basics down, you will become more attuned to your partner and their body. From there you can go on all the ups and downs of the sexual experience without having to have any goal. When the body is awakened, we say it is in orgasm. Orgasm isn’t one destination, but becomes the experience of the entire ride.
How did “One Taste” appear?
After I left my position of Professor, I began an intensive personal study of sexuality which lasted many years. Then, 8 years ago, I felt a deep desire to bring everything I had learned to the public. I had to study in many isolated and backwoods places. I wanted others to have easier access to OM. One teacher of mine encouraged me strongly, acknowledging that the world needed to hear these teachings from a woman. Since then it’s been my mission to bring the practice of OM to people everywhere.
Do you know if this practice has been well accepted by others?
OM appears to be spreading quickly. Each month over 300 people learn the practice through products on OneTaste’s website alone. We now have OM Trainers in more than 15 American cities, as well as in Sweden and Israel. On facebook, we have a burgeoning community of practitioners from all over the world who share their insights and experiences of the practice.
Do you think that ‘Symbian’ is a easy way on reaching the orgasm then by using a dildo?
I am not familiar with symbian, but I do know that few women reach orgasm through penetration (as explained above). Direct deliberate touch of the clitoris, as practiced in OM, is what is most needed to generate the sensations of orgasm in the body.
Do you think that is possible to help somebody reaching their orgasms through reflexology? Or with body stimulation, without having genitalia contact?
I am not familiar with using any of these methodologies for achieving orgasm, but certainly anything that helps relax the body and prepare it for OM is wonderful.
Do you usually give lectures in high-schools or universities? If you do, what kind of questions and doubts do the students ask you, the most?
As all of our programs are for people over 18, we do visit colleges. Last year, I lectured to an audience of more than 300 students at a university in Washington State. The most common question I hear from this age group is “how can i have the sex I want?”. I hear in them the hope and uncertainty that comes from a lack of intelligent sexual education. In my office, I’ve talked to many women and both who say “no one ever taught us this!”. They are relieved to hear that there is another, more satisfying way of connecting sexually.
Do you usually receive email questions from teens?
As all of our programs are for people over 18, we don’t do work with teens.
Do you think that there are more people interested about sexuality, nowadays?
I do think that there is a dynamic conversation about sexuality growing around the world. As we have more and more of our basic needs met, the question of our deeper satisfaction rises. How can we connect? How can we live from our desires? How do we get the energy we need to live creatively and responsively? It feels like we are finally ready to talk about sex in an open and intelligent way. The world is hungry for it.
Do you consider that through movies you could teach sexuality and even how to reach a better orgasm?
At OneTaste we use many different formats to share the practice of OM with people. In person courses, coaching and online videos and blogs are all ways people access the teachings. The video on our homepage is downloaded over 300 times a month!
Do you know any movie that dignifies sexuality more?
Can we expect having your books for sale in Portugal?
I hope so! We are publishing this year in China. As soon as a publisher in Portugal is ready, we will be there.
Who usually contacts you the most to make questions: men or women?
Women and men come equally to OneTaste. Women are looking for a way to turn on and step in their power. They sense that their sex is in someway connected to that. And they’re right! Men most often are looking for ways to better understand, connect and play with their partners. They want to know how to step up to the game of playing fully with a turned-on woman.
In America, where you live and work, are there many men that won’t question about sexuality, at all, because they think they know everything already?
It’s true that some men are deeply intimidated by learning about sex. They are afraid of feeling ignorant and being disapproved of. As women we haven’t done the best job of graciously approving of men and they can be hesitant to let down their guard. This is part of what we teach women – how to approve of their men and recognize that more than anything men want to make women happy. We have so many wonderful men at OneTaste who have done the hard work of letting down that guard. And we have women who have learned to love and approve of them. They’re amazing men to be around as they are willing to go anywhere with a woman – they no longer need to protect themselves, so they can play a big game.
Based on the thought from a Master of Movies’ Sexology, when you spit in your hand and touch your genitalia area, it can take bacteria to it. What about when you spit – as we usually see in porn movies – directly in the genital? Isn’t it the same?
I can’t say
In my humble opinion, I think there has to be differences from what a man and a woman want and do not want in a sexual intercourse. How can a couple deal with it and find a way to work for both of them?
Ultimately, I think all people want to feed a deeper hunger. We have different strategies for getting there. When I talk to men and women I hear over and over that women are longing for fulfilling touch and men are longing to provide it. Who could be happier than a man with a turned-on woman? We teach men how to connect to a woman as she learns this process of opening her sex. In the progress of her unfolding, he becomes aware of how much more is available in sex as well. Everyone benefits!
Interview by Pedro Marques
Translation and correction by Sílvia Dias